“Duuude, Me Splifff”

Ah what fun this was. I remember it very well. It was shortly after I started driving and I was on a late night bus (what else) all had been quiet that night and I had just had to deal with the normal drunks and idiots. I was on my last run when I came upon this gentleman. He was leaning against the stop with the biggest joint I had ever seen hanging from his lips. As I watched he lit it up and started smoking it like it was worth a lot of money. Which, considering the size of it, it probably was. I thought to myself “he probably won’t want to catch this bus having just lit that thing” Oh man was I wrong. He stuck his arm out to flag me down and I stopped for him and opened the doors.

“You can’t come on with that thing alight” said I pointing to his joint.

“Oh sorry mate” he said.

I couldn’t believe what happened next.

Now normally when I tell people that they can’t come on with the ciggy/joint/pipe/whatever the hell they are smoking now they usually just pinch it out if they had just started it but this guy was going to prove me different.

He dropped it on the floor and ground it out with his shoe.

Yeah he ground it out with his shoe.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. This guy had just done that to a spiff that must have been at least 6 inches long and very fat around. God only knows how much he had put into it but he was shocked.

As I watched with my eyes bulging out of my head at what he had done he looked down at the remains and then back up to me and in a surprised voice let out

“Duuuude… Mee Spliiifff” (read it out loud for full effect) “oh man” points down at said spiff and then looks up at me like I am going to help him solve the problem and said again “Duuuude. Me Splifffff”

By this time I was folded up over the steering wheel shaking with laughter at this poor man. He then decided that he wanted to catch my bus and staggered on still smelling of the joint and drops the right money in the slot (yikes) and staggers down the bus and promptly falls asleep.

I travel all the way into the city center with no further sounds from him as he slept the whole way there even over the speed humps. When we arrived there I managed to wake him up and he asked where we were

“City Center” says I with a sigh

“Oh man I wanted to go to (names a place that’s two stops from where he got on but in the other direction)”

“Oh well, stay on and it’s about 40 mins from here”

“Thanks driver… Oh nooooo meee spiff” Ah he remembered what he did with it and the look on his face was great.

Shortly after this he fell asleep again and wasn’t a problem for the rest of the trip.

When I finally got to his stop (two from the end of the line) I noticed that there was someone waiting at the stop. Now this was very odd considering where the stop was. No other bus goes down the road and I was one of the last. They waved their arm asking me to stop so I did.

Just then the spiff dude woke up and staggered all the way down the bus. Somehow he managed to miss all the poles and the other seats and fell into the arms of the person that had flagged me down.

“Did he give you any trouble driver?” the man asked

“Not really. I had a good laugh because of him” I then told him what had happened

“Oh god he’s gonna remember that in the morning and hate himself for it”

At this point I had to excuse myself and finish the run as I was in serious danger of laughing way too much as I pictured him in the morning remembering what he had done.

Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that make you smile. And this was one of them

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